Mahashiva Ratri: Night of the Great Shiva – II

......continued from the previous post

SANITY AND INSANITY, DREAM AND REALITY

I felt as if I was living with insane people and once the effects of Cannabis wears off I will slowly slip back into a similar kind of insanity. A kind of insanity in which you take a 'make believe world' created by the ignorance of your mind for 'reality'. It  felt very similar to the concept depicted in the film 'Inception' where they show a group of people asleep and a man in charge of that place tells Leonardo DiCaprio that this is the place where they come to 'wake up' to their 'dream reality'. I felt  that I too would wake up to a 'dream reality' once the effects of Cannabis wear off.

CANNABIS AND ESP: SUBTLE SMELLS

I felt as if I had developed the ability of sensing subtle smells. I could 'smell' my younger son's indigestion (it wasn't very pleasant !!). At another point when I was roasting egg plants/brinjals, one of them smelt different and unpleasant. When I cut it open I found a small rotten patch inside.  This ability continued for the next few days and then slowly faded out.

DIRECT COMPREHENSION IN WAVES

Concepts and ideas would initially float in front of my mind's eye, like a wave hitting the shore gently, rise and then fall back to be replaced by another wave....

ON THE EDGE OF SCHIZOPHRENIA

At one point I was almost on the edge of madness..my entire being was being flooded with a blitzkrieg of attitudes and feelings....and just when I was about to have a panic attack, it lifted, like a cloud. As if this experience was to teach me the meaning of schizophrenia..what kind of a nightmare  the schizophrenic patients undergo !! I later remembered that during my regular visits to a schizophrenic friend I would often wonder what he was going through....and on Mahashiva Ratri day I got my answer !!

Mahashiva Ratri: Night of the Great Shiva - I

ASTROLOGY AND PSYCHEDELIC EXPERIENCES

The night of 20th February was Mahashivaratri - the Hindu festival, night of the Great Shiva. On this day bhang (dried female shoots and flowers of Cannabis) are taken as prasaad. From the overwhelming spiritual nature of the trip I had on this day, I now suspect that astrology and especially the position of the moon also influence the nature of the trip that one gets on Bhang/Cannabis. The Hindu calendar is based on a lunar month and Mahashivaratri invariably falls on the night previous to a Amaavasya or New Moon.

I still have to look up whether shamans and spiritual practitioners in other parts of the world consulted astrology to time their psychedelic rituals.

CONSPIRACY TO KEEP PEOPLE ASLEEP

One of the overwhelming feelings throughout this trip was there was some kind of conspiracy to keep humans asleep/under illusion/under the grasp of Maya. However, it was unclear as to who was behind this conspiracy - was it our own ignorance and/or hostile forces that Shri Aurobindo talked about in his 'Letters on Yoga' (you may read these at http://www.aurobindo.ru/workings/sa/22-24/index_e.htm).

 Could this feeling be the source of all kinds of conspiracy theories by people who perceived the original truth in a distorted way and came up with all kinds of beliefs of government cover ups, alien abductions, alien invasion etc. Are there people among us who are 'awake' yet are silent witness to the  play - lila of the world ? Are there others silently doing their work, making subtle attempts at 'waking' people up, leaving signs for people who are partially awake to tell them  that they are not alone and that they are not under some sort of delusion ?!!

I very strongly had the 'feeling' that the esoteric and mystical texts and poems left by sages and seers in the past are a kind of symbol/code language for those of us who are partly awake, to guideus and to show us the Way. There could be three reasons why this message is given in a code/symbolic language:

1.  Those who are yet asleep do not get alarmed and confused.

2. To prevent the message from going into the hands of ignorant/hostile people who could misuse  this knowledge.

3. Most importantly, to a person in an altered state of consciousness, metaphors and symbols make more sense than ordinary language because  the experiences during a 'high' can be best described in symbols and metaphors.

It was very clear, however that most of humanity is asleep or  under some kind of a spell and all the sages and mystics of the past have been trying to break this spell and awaken the slumber of humanity.

LOSS OF SENSE OF TIME

The passage of time,  on this trip was remarkably erratic. At some point it appeared to speed up, on another occasion slow down and at times, come to a standstill.

ACCESS TO UNIVERSAL KNOWLEDGE

I felt as if I could access universal knowledge simply with the effort of will and focus. Comprehension of ideas/concepts and phenomena was almost effortless.  Was this the reason why some governments had banned Cannabis for their 'subjects/citizens' ?!!

Cannabis: Religion, Myths and Folklore - III

[caption id="attachment_180" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="The Fall or the Rise ?"][/caption] 

The Celts may have also used cannabis, as evidence of hashish traces were found in Hallstatt, birthplace of Celtic culture.

Scource: Creighton, John (2000). Coins and Power in Late Iron Age Britain. Cambridge University Press. p. 52

Members of the Rastafari movement use cannabis as a part of their worshiping of their King, Haile Selassie I of Ethiopia, and as an aid to meditation. Rastafari see cannabis as a sacramental and deeply beneficial plant that is the Tree of Life mentioned in the Bible. Bob Marley, amongst many others, have quoted Revelation: 22:2, "... the herb is the healing of the nations." The use of cannabis, and particularly of long-stemmed water-pipes called chalices, is an integral part of what Rastafari call "reasoning sessions" where members join together to discuss life according to the Rasta perspective. They see the use of cannabis as bringing them closer to God, whom they call (Jah), allowing the user to penetrate the truth of things much more clearly, as if the wool had been pulled from one's eyes. "The herb is the key to new understanding of the self, the universe, and God. It is the vehicle to cosmic consciousness" and is believed to burn the corruption out of the human heart.

Sources:  Branch, Rick. "The Watchman Expositor: Rastafarianism Profile"

Owens, Joseph (1974). Dread, The Rastafarians of Jamaica.

Like the Rastafari, some modern Christian sects have asserted that cannabis is the Tree of Life.^[48] Contra, some have asserted that it is the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, the forbidden fruit which the Serpent persuaded Eve, and Eve her husband Adam, to eat, which caused the Fall of Man.

Scource: http://www.iamm.com/man-cu.htm#_ABRIDGED_THEOLOGICAL_DISCUSSION

Cannabis:Religion, Myth and Folklore - II

[caption id="attachment_173" align="aligncenter" width="452" caption="A Censer"][/caption]

The Pen Ts'ao Ching attributed to the legendery emperor of China, Shen Nung (2700 B.C.) provides evidence that the Chinese were aware of the psychotropic properties of Cannabis from the earliest times. This work claimed that Ma Fen (fruit of Hemp) if taken in excess would make you see devils and taken over a long time makes you communicate with the spirits and lightens your body. 

A Taoist priest wrote in his work titled, Ming-I Pieh Lu, that Cannabis is used by necromancers in combination with ginseng to set forward time in order to reveal future events.

The' hallucinogenic' use  of Cannabis is believed to have been associated with Central Asain shamanistic practices.

Source: Touw, Mia. "The religious and medicinal uses of Cannabis in China, India and Tibet". J Psychoactive Drugs 13 (1). https://www.cnsproductions.com/pdf/Touw.pdf.

The Akali Sikhs or Khalsa (saint-warriors of Sikhism in India) (later known as Nihangs) believed in asceticism and celibacy. They also believed in the use of bhang (hashish) also called Sukha or Sukh Nidhan (treasure of bliss) for meditative purposes.

Source: http://www.philtar.ac.uk/encyclopedia/sikhism/akalis.html

The religious use of cannabis in India is thought to have preceded its medical use (Blum and Associates, II, 1969: 73; Snyder, 1970: 125). The religious use of cannabis is to help "the user to free his mind from worldly distractions and to concentrate on the Supreme Being" (Barber, 1970: 80).

Cannabis is used in Hindu and Sikh temples and at Mohammedan shrines. Besides using the drug as an aid to meditation, it is also used to overcome hunger and thirst by the religious mendicants. In Nepal, it is distributed on certain feast days at the temples of all Shiva followers (Blum & Associates, 1969, 11: 63).

The Hindus spoke of the drug as the "heavenly guide," "the soother of grief." Considered holy, it was described as a sacred grass during the Vedic period (Fort, 1969: 15). A reference to cannabis in Hindu scriptures is the following:

To the Hindu the hemp plant is holy. A guardian lives in bhang ... Bhang is the joy giver, the sky filer, the heavenly guide, the poor man's heaven, the soother of grief ... No god or man is as good as the religious drinker of Bhang. The students of the scriptures of Benares are given bhang before they sit to study. At Benares, Ujjain and other holy places, yogis take deep draughts of Bhang that they may center their thoughts on the Eternal . . . By the help of Bhang ascetics pass days without food or drink. The supporting power of Bhang has brought many a Hindu family safe through the miseries of famine (Snyder, 1970: 125).

Scource: History of Marihuana Use: Medical and Intoxicant.(From: Marihuana, A Signal of Misunderstanding, the Report of the US National Commission on Marihuana and Drug Abuse, 1972)

In Africa, there were a number of cults and sects of hemp worship. Pogge and Wissman, during their explorations of 1881, visited the Bashilenge, living on the northern borders of the Lundu, between Sankrua and Balua. They found large plots of land around the villages used for the cultivation of hemp. Originally there were small clubs of hemp smokers, bound by ties of friendship, but these eventually led to the formation of a religious cult. The Bashilenge called themselves Bena Riamba, "the sons of hemp", and their land Lubuku, meaning friendship. They greeted each other with the expression "moio", meaning both "hemp" and "life." Each tribesman was required to participate in the cult of Riamba and show his devotion by smoking as frequently as possible. They attributed universal magical powers to hemp, which was thought to combat all kinds of evil and they took it when they went to war and when they traveled.  In the middle Sahara region, the Senusi sect also cultivated hemp on a large scale for use in religious ceremonies.

Source: ^ "History of Marihuana Use: Medical and Intoxicant". Druglibrary.org. http://www.druglibrary.org/schaffer/library/studies/nc/nc1a.htm.

Beginning around the 4th century, Taoist texts mentioned using cannabis in censers (vessels made for burning incense). Needham cited the (ca. 570 CE) Taoist encyclopedia Wushang Biyao 無上秘要 ("Supreme Secret Essentials") that cannabis was added into ritual incense-burners, and suggested the ancient Taoists experimented systematically with "hallucinogenic smokes". The Yuanshi shangzhen zhongxian ji 元始上真眾仙記 ("Records of the Assemblies of the Perfected Immortals"), which is attributed to Ge Hong (283-343), says, "For those who begin practicing the Tao it is not necessary to go into the mountains. … Some with purifying incense and sprinkling and sweeping are also able to call down the Perfected Immortals.

Source: Chemistry and chemical technology, Volume 5, p. 150-152, by Joseph Needham, Gwei-Djen Lu, Cambridge University Press, 1974

Cannabis: Religion,Myth and Folklore - I

In India, Cannabis, locally known as bhang and ganja, is associated with worship of the Hindu deva Shiva,  Bhang is offered to Shiva images, especially on MahaShivratri  (night of the Great Shiva) festival.

Wise drinking of bhang, according to religious rites, is believed to cleanse sins, unite one with Shiva and avoid the miseries of hell in the after-life. In contrast, foolish drinking of bhang without rites is considered a sin.

Source:  "Indian Hemp Drugs Commission Report - Appendix

The earliest known reports regarding the sacred status of cannabis in India come from the Atharva Veda estimated to have been written sometime around 2000 - 1400 BC

Source:  Courtwright, David (2001). Forces of Habit: Drugs and the Making of the Modern World. Harvard Univ. Press. p. 39

The Atharva Veda mentions Cannabis to be one of the five sacred plants and the guardian angel resides in its leaves. In certain Vedic rituals, Cannabis stems were thrown into the ritual fire (yagna) to overcome enemies and evil forces. The Vedas also refer to it as a source of happiness, joy giver and liberator. According to Hindu legend, when and devas and demons churned the oceon, nectar (amrit) as well as poison (vish) emerged. When a drop of the amrit fell on the ground, the Cannabis plant sprouted from it. This plant is believed to bestow supernatural powers to its user.

In Tibet, this plant has been traditionally considered sacred. According to one Mahayana Buddhist tradition, the Buddha, in his last six years of ascetism before enlightenment, subsisted on one Cannabis seed daily.

In Tantric Buddhism this plant is taken to highten awareness during certain rituals.

Source: Touw, Mia. "The religious and medicinal uses of Cannabis in China, India and Tibet". J Psychoactive Drugs 13 (1). https://www.cnsproductions.com/pdf/Touw.pdf.

Cannabis and Direct Understanding

I was sitting and gazing at a wall poster in my house. It consisted of a house with a front lawn on which some tables and chairs were arranged and there was a patch of vegetation/foliage in the background. Slowly I began to 'see' that the perspective was all wrong. The chairs and tables appeared to have been superimposed on the scene and the vegetation too did not appear to belong to the scene photographed and was apparently pasted on later. I had under 'normal' state looked at this poster a number of times and it appeared to be one whole picture, now I knew that it was a contrived assemblage.

When we pursue a spiritual path, our grey areas begin to segregate into black and white areas - our lower and higher selves begin to gather themselves as if preparing for the final battle - the dharma yudh of the Bhagavad Geeta. That is the reason why our peaks and pits/moral highs and lows become more acute and we often see a backlash of the negative energies/ black areas/lower self within us, this is when the angels within us fall. However with Grace and Will the angels can rise and triumph in the end.

In a trance/high the various attributes of our self/being/personality get separated/isolated into the  hungry self who begins to eat and savor food; the erotic self which can reach a new sexual high; the mental self who can grasp abstract concepts in an instant; the creative self capable of profound imagination; the angelic self who is able to directly apprehend  higher realities etc. The greater the high/deeper the trance the more individualized these selves become and in some cases they assume a form and a personality which some interpret it as 'spirits of the other world'. Are these the spirits with whom the shamans communicate ?

Hurdles in Spiritual Growth

I often used to wonder why in certain families of generally very pleasant and spiritually advanced members, you find a 'dark sheep'. I now know that the reason for this is that sometimes not so advanced souls are born around more advanced souls in order to aid/quicken their spiritual growth. The 'not so advanced' souls in return pose a hurdle/suffering/sacrifice for the advanced souls and teach them a lesson in tolerance, understanding and love.

When dealing with a negative/unpleasant situation/person I should not react or hit back, nor should I withdraw/recoil from such an unpleasant situation. On the contrary I should expand, open out and observe the situation with detachment like an audience watches a drama. When I show the attitude and willingness to deal with any thing and meet it head on, the problem shrinks and ceases to be seen as a problem. The problem/person appears more and more difficult to deal with the more I think/brood over it.

Our everyday/mundane life and the pursuit of worldly pleasures and achievement is like moving across a flat plane. No matter how much you achieve you will always be moving on a  flat plane. Whereas the pursuit of spiritual riches is like lifting yourself in the air or jumping and there is no limit to  how high you can jump, hover or fly. Enlightenment does not involve going somewhere or doing something, it is a state of mind/consciousness that I can reach from wherever I am standing on the flat plane or from whatever life-situation that I find myself 'stuck' in. Good and bad are the X and Y axis on life's graph and spiritual growth involves growing/going into a completely new dimension which lies along the  Z axis.

Weed and Human Relationships

As explained in my previous post, we all have a specific atmosphere inhabited by the phantoms of our dominant thoughts. Our higher self/soul (call it what you like) is like a crystal ball of light which is shrouded by these thought phantoms. Now in majority of us these thought phantoms are negative energies which react (not respond) with the world. However, beneath these dark shadows and mire our higher self is still present. So when you are nasty/angry with a person it is these negative entities reacting and these vibrate at a different frequency, lets call it lower frequency. In response the dark phantoms of anger and hate in the other person are aroused because they too vibrate at a 'lower' frequency. On the other hand if you are nice to a nasty person, his/her dark phantoms, depending on how thickly they have covered that persons' higher self, will only stir and react mildly or not react at all.

All life is movement or vibration. Your specific vibrations (higher or lower) will arouses/ stimulate similar  vibrations in the other person. If you keep being nice to a nasty person, sooner or later your higer vibrations will pierce through the shroud of his/her negative thought phantoms and touch his/her higher self. That is why Christ said, if someone slaps you show the other cheek. Perhaps that is carrying it bit too far !! You don't have to be too good, you cannot be. Just try to be pleasant and courteous to all. As I mentioned early try to be in an inspired state of mind. You will have to find your own way of doing it depending on your temperament or swabhaw and prakruti.

Human Atmosphere and Thought Phantoms

The following are some of the thoughts/revelations that 'happened' to me during my last trip:

These thoughts/revelations are almost like the hypnagogic flashes that I get just before drifting off to sleep or in a half-awake state in 'normal' conditions. I was therefore afraid that these thoughts will vanish like smoke from my memory once the effects of cannabis/bhang wear off. Hence I began to jot down every 'revelation' that came to me in this 'high' state.

Too much talking and thinking/brooding should be avoided by all those who are on the path of self-discovery. The lack of control over my tongue has led to some major unpleasantness and problems between me and other people.

Too much thinking/brooding especially negative thoughts give rise to thought phantoms which get energised the more we keep thinking on similar negative lines. Every person has a kind of an 'atmosphere' or a shell, if you will, which is made up of the dominant thoughts and feelings that the person indulges in most of the time. This is the shell/veil/smoke screen through which we see and react with the world and the people around us. Good positive thoughts will give rise to a positive atmosphere around us. The attitude/feelings that dominate our waking consciousness will also dominate our sleep consciousness and subconscious. Mere suppression of these negative thoughts will only make them disappear from the surface and sink at the subconscious level, to emerge to the surface with greater vigor at some other point in time. That is the reason why forced/premature moralizing by any religion does not work.

Our atmosphere consciously or sub-consciously effects other people. The collective atmosphere of a group of people dwelling in a place for a long time creates the atmosphere of that place. That is the reason why, the sensitive among us can get a 'feel' of a place when we visit it for the first time, it could be somebody's house/place of worship or an old ruin. Some of the 'hauntings' reported are nothing but highly energized 'thought phantoms' of the deceased.

This is one of the ways that 'powerful' people are able to control the weak-minded. They consciously or unconsciously use their highly energized thought phantoms like an invisible leash to control the 'weak'. Be it a mother who controls her son even after he turns into an adult or a woman controlling the man who is 'in love' with her or a dictator reigning over his people.

Tuning into an Inspired State of Mind

Whatever 'enlightenment' that I gain during a high, begins to fade when I come back and begin to go about life in a 'normal' state. In order to keep oneself connected to the memory of those 'revelations',  I have to keeping tuning myself to that 'inspired state of mind'. For this I use different triggers, like music or a momentary contemplation by stilling my mind and aspiring/yearning to be in that 'inspired state of mind'. However I have to be alert/awake/aware all the time that I do not slip back into the mundaneness/pettiness of my 'normal' mind. It is a bit difficult but I think that I will master it with little practice. I say a little prayer everyday before falling asleep and immediately after waking up.

Weed and Guardian Angel

The solution to all the problems in human relationship  is understanding. If we place ourselves in the other person’s shoes without any prejudice and pre-conceived notions, we can truly understand why that person behaves the way he/she behaves with us. True understanding gives rise to compassion and love. When you understand completely, there is nothing to forgive. The people you find most unpleasant and difficult to get along can become your ‘Gurus’ and make you understand the meaning of compassion for fellow humans.

In my last trip I almost felt as if I was ‘possessed’ by something. As if a higher/angelic version had descended in my consciousness. Is this the ‘guardian angel’ that some people talk about? Perhaps in a ‘normal’ state we loose our connection with our higher self or guardian angel. I felt truly blessed, as if a door had been opened to me. I promised myself to pursue the path that was being revealed to me by my higher self (?) with complete faith and sincerity.

Non-linear Consciousness

In our 'normal' state, our thinking/grasping of knowledge/information is linear , however when 'high' the thinking becomes multi-dimensional. Its like grasping/comprehending multiple concepts all at once. Consciousness too has dimensions, in normal state we posses a linear consciousness. This multiples under 'high' state.

Again and again I kept thinking that I would not be able to retain this direct understanding of concepts after I come down to 'normal' level. I did not want the return to the 'normal' state. It was like I was in a sane/Real state, and once the effects of cannabis wore off I will return to the lower insane/unreal state. This made me feel deeply sad.

Energy Leaks Plugged

Henceforth I shall be writing down in points whatever thoughts/concepts that I experienced during my trips and wherever possible try to elaborate or collaborate with what ever I may have read about them.

When one approaches a 'high', it is as if all the leaks through which we fritter away our vital energy and self-awareness (such as lust, indiscriminate desires and negative emotions) start getting plugged as the consciousness begins to gather itself and  fold inwards. I felt that I could use this reservoir of vital energy to channelize it in any directions that I wanted. I could use it to give wings to my imagination, or for sexual pleasure or to contemplate on higher realities of human existence.

 Gradually the entire 'being' rises to a higher level, as if my Being slides outside my physical body, it is connected but not one with it and this is why there is a feeling of 'disconnect' or dispassion. That is why I am able to observe myself from outside of myself, I become my own witness.

Mental Orgasm II: Ability to read peoples attitude

I would like to mention, before I go on, that during the last three trips and especially the last one, just after consuming bhang, I made an earnest prayer to the Almighty to grant me inspiration. I strongly believe that our niyat(attitude cum intention) to the narcotic/pant and the what you expect out of it greatly influences the kind of trip that you end up having.

Another thing that struck me during these trips was that when I was in the ‘higher state’, it was as if my whole mental being was raised to a higher level, a kind of a ‘mental world’ or a ‘world of pure abstract thought’ which I was able to comprehend visually. It was almost as if some of these concepts were being conveyed/understood/grasped by my consciousness in geometric forms !! I could/can explain these concepts better through diagrams which I have made in my diary. The sad part was that once in a ‘normal’ state, my consciousness comes down by a level/degree and hence my recollection of these concepts takes place at a ‘lower’ level of understanding/comprehension. That could be the reason for my inability to convey these concepts in their true dimension to the reader.

In this state I was able to discern the attitude/state of mind of any person I was interacting with. It was almost ‘written’ on their face. It saddened me to note that most of us go about the world with a negative attitude/state of mind. The chemicals in this plant seem to raise the frequency of the molecules of my physical and emotional/mental body and I am able to access realms/dimensions of human psychology/consciousness which we are ignorant of in ‘normal’ consciousness. The physical symptoms such as a slight rise in my body temperature, heavy and deep breathing, throat constriction, etc. are a result of this – the physical body trying to cope up with this ‘raised’ level of awareness.

Mental Orgasm I: Two hurdles to liberation

I could clearly feel the physiological/physical symptoms in my body peaked almost simultaneously with the dawn of a concept/revelation. There would be a deep labored breath, a slight constriction in the throat and something soft and ticklish, like a wave or a ball bouncing would hit the roof of my skull from inside my head !! And simultaneously an idea would dawn on me.

This effect was experienced in wave after wave. This was the first time that I felt like this. This would have been my sixth or seventh trip. The intervals between my trips has reduced. I am no longer worried about getting addicted. I just know that I wll not get addicted.

Some of the ideas that dawned on me during these 'peak' experiences are described in this and the following posts :

A child grows up in our society in a very conditioned environment which permanently damages his psychology and consciousness. In my case the two things that strike most is 'negativity'. A child grows up with every one telling her/him to' be careful or you will fall', 'don't do this or this will happen', 'you have to be careful about this', etc.etc. As a result when we grow up and whenever there is an inspiration to do something there is discouraging voice in the background/from the subconscious which mechanically comes up like a spring, to dishearten you. The other thing is being told about right and wrong, about our duties, you should be a good son/daughter/wife/husband/citizen etc. This is right and this is wrong. As a result we set up a very high ideal for ourselves and when we are not able to come up to that idealist image of ourselves, a lot of guilt begins to gather in our subconscious which can be very damaging. The feeling of 'I am not a good enough daughter/son/wife etc'. keeps pulling you down. At least in my case, the feeling of discouragement, and guilt have been tying me down, preventing me from developing my full potential.

to be continued...

Revelations or Delusions ?!!

Although I've had three trips so far, I have been hesitating to post anything. The last three trips have left me grappling with the true meaning of what I have experienced. It is difficult to put it in words.  It seems to me that what I experienced was at a higher level/dimension (?) and now I can only describe the memory of it from my present state of  lower level or 'normal' consciousness. There were many concepts/truths that dawned on me, some about the nature of human relationships and some general concepts about Cannabis and altered consciousness. I shall be writing about them in the subsequent posts.

In the last three tips, I experieced, what I would call, for a want of a better word, revelations. These were not like thought out ideas or solutions to problems that we normally indulge in, in our normal consciousness. It was like, what the Sufis describe, 'direct apprehension' ! I just began to' know' certain things. I am not a very social person, nor a very pleasant one. I am impatient, short tempered and lack tolerance. I have been having a major problem in getting along with one of my aged aunts who was in my care. (In India we do not leave our elders in old age home but they are looked after by their children or relatives) During this trip, I came to 'know' exactly what was wrong with my attitude towards her, why did I always react to her the way that I did and what was the solution. This process was not so simple, as if some voice from the heavens was telling me what to do !! Actual it dawned in slowly. At first there was extreme frustration and anger. As if I was trapped in this situation with her and there was no way out and as a result my suffering would go on and on it was a terrible feeling.....and then suddenly as if a spark had been lit in the darkness and I began to feel compassion and selfless love for my aunt... here was my answer...selfless love. We read about these things in religious books and new age philosophy...but reading something and knowing and feeling it is very different. Its like the difference between reading about honey and actually tasting it.

Our behavior and attitude towards people and relatives, pleasant or otherwise, that we have known for a long time is conditioned by our past memories and interactions with them, which are clouded by our prejudices so every time we interact with that person there is this heavy cloud of past baggage hanging over us. As a result the relationship remains stuck in the past, we are unable to create any future possibilities. When I used to interact with my aunt, there would always be, at the back of my mind, these unpleasant memories of her harassing and traumatizing me in my childhood days. In my trip, I did not just realize that I should forgive her and be more compassionate towards this aging aunt, I actually forgave her in that moment and really and truly felt compassion for her !!

It was almost like a higher me/my higher Self had descended in my consciousness and was guiding me. Is this what they call your 'guardian angel' ?!!

I knew that when you truly love everyone around you, you will naturally/instinctively do the right thing. You will not need any moral reference/religion to tell you what to do.

I also knew that total Faith and Surrender to God will lead me to what I am searching for. These felt like living truths and not something that you read and hear and the mind registers it without actually feeling it as real 'Truths'.